{"id":3765,"date":"2012-07-07T21:41:19","date_gmt":"2012-07-07T21:41:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.crimeculture.com\/?page_id=3765"},"modified":"2012-07-07T21:43:54","modified_gmt":"2012-07-07T21:43:54","slug":"ideal-holmes","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/www.crimeculture.com\/?page_id=3765","title":{"rendered":"Ideal Holmes"},"content":{"rendered":"<h3><span style=\"color: #800000;\">by\u00a0Alex Watts<\/span><\/h3>\n<p>These three Sherlocks walk into a bar.\u00a0 A classic Holmes, a modern Holmes and an\u2026<em>other<\/em>.\u00a0 The classic Holmes, wearing a deerstalker said \u2018I deduce from my surroundings that we are no longer in a crime or adventure format.\u2019<\/p>\n<p>The modern Holmes was shaking his phone petulantly. \u2018We\u2019re in a joke, aren\u2019t we?\u00a0 I can never get signal in jokes.\u2019<\/p>\n<p>The <em>other <\/em>leant on his cane and popped another pill.\u00a0 \u201cWhat am I even doing in here with you?\u00a0 This is a pub \u2013 we have bars in America.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The classic Holmes let out a harsh, barking laugh. \u201cYou\u2019re one of us.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cLike hell I am.\u00a0 Idiot.\u00a0 I\u2019m a doctor.\u00a0 You\u2019re British detectives.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The modern Holmes spun round. \u201cNo.\u00a0 Actually.\u00a0 You make brilliant deductions about people based on their appearance?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAddress?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201c221b, Baker Street.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The classic Holmes piped up. \u201cYour best friend \u2013 Watson?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHa. No.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The other two Holmeses were crestfallen.<\/p>\n<p>\u201c<em>Wilson.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n<p>They beamed.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIn fact, look around.\u00a0 They\u2019re all us.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The pub was full.\u00a0 Crowded in fact.\u00a0 There was an entire lineage detectives, propping up the bar, fighting over the cigarette machine.\u00a0 Sherlocks who had been cryogenically frozen, beamed into space, sent back in time.\u00a0 Holmeses fighting the Nazis, aliens, and eldritch horrors.<\/p>\n<p>And what\u2019s more, the descendants.\u00a0 Every detached, genius detective since 1886.\u00a0 Policemen with a taste for Wagner and ale; diminutive Belgians with a recognisably unshakeable faith in their little grey cells; action heroes, with lodgings in Baker Street; supremely logical monks; ancient aliens with a familiar habit of dying and coming back; talented amateurs and weary old pros.\u00a0 All very clever and slightly broken.\u00a0 Every one of them.<\/p>\n<p>The modern Sherlock turned to the Classic. \u201cBit of sleight of hand.\u00a0 This isn\u2019t a joke.\u00a0 That\u2019s just an excuse to get us all together.\u00a0 It\u2019s more a reunion.\u00a0 A tribute.\u00a0 All your grandchildren.\u00a0 We wanted to say\u2026thanks.\u00a0 None of us would be here without you.\u201c<\/p>\n<p>He turned to the room. \u201cI give you Sherlock Holmes.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>They raised their glasses.\u00a0 \u201cSherlock Holmes\u201d chorused the detectives.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<div><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>by\u00a0Alex Watts These three Sherlocks walk into a bar.\u00a0 A classic Holmes, a modern Holmes and an\u2026other.\u00a0 The classic Holmes,<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.crimeculture.com\/?page_id=3765\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading<span class=\"screen-reader-text\">Ideal Holmes<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":779,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.crimeculture.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/3765"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.crimeculture.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.crimeculture.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.crimeculture.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/779"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.crimeculture.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3765"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.crimeculture.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/3765\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3773,"href":"https:\/\/www.crimeculture.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/3765\/revisions\/3773"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.crimeculture.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3765"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}